I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
