hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.