Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.