i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
That's how pantless uber rides happen