i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I licked your asshole in confidence.