you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize