so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
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Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
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My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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