A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
