The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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