so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
