Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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