We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
