If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
sarcasm needs its own font
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
