Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
