i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
