Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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