I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
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And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
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I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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