i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
