so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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