Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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