Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
How external is "for external use only"?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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