I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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