I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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