Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
