Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
