I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
