So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
