Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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