at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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