She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
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He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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