Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
