It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
