I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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