Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
