Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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