she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
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I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
All the doctor said was why
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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