Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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