Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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