Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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