I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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