D3 body, D1 cock
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You pole danced in your parka.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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