i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
