Pappa wants mamma naked
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize
