____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
