I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
