Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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