her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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