You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
