I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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