I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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