Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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