It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
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