Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
