i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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