did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you didnt know i had herpes?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You are a booty call, not a friend.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
