Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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