We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize