The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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