If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
