I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
