paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
