I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
